“I think you still love me, but we can’t escape the fact that I’m not enough for you. I knew this was going to happen. So I’m not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I’m not angry, either. I should be, but I’m not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong.” ― Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun
Being with someone just for the sake of it is different than being with someone with full mental, physical and emotional presence. People become complacent once the relationship settles down and the initial honeymoon phase is over. They start taking their partners for granted which can be very frustrating.
The regret that comes later when the relationship breaks down is soul-crushing. You would think how smart, sexy, beautiful your woman was but you didn’t pay enough attention to her. You loved her, you lived with her and you wanted to be with her but things didn’t work out.
Like most young couples, you didn’t know how to love your partner. You couldn’t handle the challenges that come with a relationship. Due to your ignorance, you couldn’t find a way to love her. The reckless and immature ways of your everyday life together made you think if there were some other woman who could love you better or you her.
Because of all this, you chose her a little less every day.
As time passed, it became a habit of yours. You started choosing her less over other things or people. You both stayed together but deep down you know the deteriorating condition of your relationship which was turning sour by the minute.
If only you chose her, you would have realized the love and happiness she brought daily in your life. Her smile, her laughter, her voice, her companionship…everything was for you. It is sad that you could not see all this and felt irritated with the relationship.
You were too busy focusing on anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that you had to live with. The more you paid attention to it, the more you realized that it is not she but the ugly side of yours that is being reflected. All this broke your relationship.
She fought for the relationship; she fought hard for you to choose her but to no avail. She lost, you both did. You cannot choose someone without actually wanting to do so even if you love them to bits. And certainly you can’t make someone choose you.
Due to your neglect she also decided to choose others over you. You both hurled anger at each other making it an impossible toxic relationship to carry on.
You made her feel unsafe and unsecure. If she can’t be sure of you, then how will she feel secure in the relationship? You made her feel low and worse about her. The fear of abandonment was always there in her mind and one fine day you didabandon her.
You deserted her without considering the things you did wrong in this relationship. Blaming the other person is very easy, but to sit and think about your mistakes and subsequently asking for forgiveness is tough. You left her alone in spite of all the claims to love her.
It was a mess for the both of you.
If you are in a relationship then you should ask this question to yourself every day, “Why am I choosing my partner today?”
Granted that you might not be able to find an answer instantly, push your brain and think what your partner brings in your life everyday which brightens it.
But if you can’t answer this for many days consecutively, then you should start reevaluating your relationship. Do you even love them anymore? Do you even want to be with them anymore?
If you love her, choose her every day.
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